Harry Edgar

the past shallows me whole
i surrendered my heart
those tht felt the great wieght of the world
saw things clear
i lost control

comforted by the pain
of being ripped apart
she stole away to an alcove
bringer of escape
and longing that never let me go

fascination
all i can say
rung through the lens
asfixiaition
murder me tonight
for the sake of
lovee

just bc i smile
doesnt mean im ok
when u hear me laugh
i feel my soul fade away

just bc u leave imprints on my heart
doesnt mean i care

lying without saying a word

the destroyer comes this way
step out of the forest's shame
ive deciphered the breaks in yr heart
ive cracked the code in yr brain
and still know nothing


take me,
this time too
drive these distorted viens from the sky in my direction
i begin again
strangled.
you want it all
i want to become invisible

esto es un reaccion
de la lluvia
de el estado de condenacion
ven tu, ahora que no tienes fuerza
sentao en una percha
enjaolado
esclavo de un futuro que no viene

lie to me
so tht i might breathe again
my body is shaking
anxiety is absorbing
and the filth is ugly
eats me from the inside

u,
me
r u listening?
wht is in a thought tht is never said
more thn words
more thn this

a storm eats the birds as they fly
soft beating hearts
now are ridiculed for pretending

its just a phase
like life is just...
a life
leave it me
to ruin a terrible read



i am completly empty
entirely gone

the things that divide me
wrap yr arms around me
i feel intoxicated by yr resignation
i come over and waver,
 feeling; not feeling
indifferent

yr granite
the ebb and flow
wins yr heart
carve out prose
i cant bear to speak any longer
tension and resistance
this dialog is murder

i stay here
wishing it would end
the fear of change, bruises
if i could read you tonight
breathe the pain away
tighten yr stomach
and as they say
the larva becomes a butterfly

i am truly floored
it was the torture that bore me
the process of nature
i was patient
colleted

she wanted my heart
and i gave her my soul
she kissed me goodnight
i felt almost whole
she tore through me
and i felt more alone
i stared at the sky
the night was taking over
the moon was burning in my mind
and i felt the stream of melancholy
flushing me back, against time

the spell devoured
the touch tht insued
was like a knife

time displaced my mind
and there were fragments from my life
from the future
egging me to come
sickened and sweet
the torture of defeat
like my skin was burning
and the lost time
was screaming my name
i should have been
i might have seen
the once gone
came back again

i dont dream
i reach for the stars
bedside

i dont need to hear yr love
i can only imagaine
how it scalds
i try to get over the madness
and i burn like the sun
everytime i see yr face
i need a second,
breathe if it makes u happy
sing if u dont understand
even if it hurts
one day youll feel whole again

this night was like the next, a new feeling and new emotions change the veener of the shine.
whn i wake up, ill feel different. whn i leave for the city i can surely pretend that something will happen, like new; which is old and an oxymoron. when i die, it will probally be from an explosion of emotions and a heart renching call that turns my face towards infinity. i feel, happy.

i was socially inept and emotionally bankrupt
from a sector in my brain
i sent my knife towards you
love tearing a vein
sucker punched and docile
yr coming apart in my arms
eyes glazed and buried
the sun, the sea and eternity
if u ever come here again
i wonder wht yll think
squeeze those pressed lips riping good and vicious

i have decifered the pain
that cracks from wear and rain
i creep in the night
devils tear at my skin,
nothing means nothing
i am a slow pulsating vein
with a message of crime
tear the maggots off me
call off the dogs i have fed for years
just because it hurts
just because there is pain
i tasted the honey
made from sugar cane
she feeds me
the mother

the pores swallow you whole
the madness crawls through
everything i forgot, i knew
they took their machetes
and cut me down
they sang the songs
my mama once sang

i dont know where you come from
exactly
but i have a funny feeling
you felt that too

ergo.
hersay
etc.
i dont believe in hell
took me 29 years
to escape that place
i dont believe in angels
but i can hear their songs
i dont believe in heaven
or the eternity i feel

la luz
la paz
el cielo
sabras!

i cringe at the gesture
absorb the blow
i am stuck in an airport
sleeping, talking
talking, sleeping
whiskey
turn the trance on again
dilute the viens
bury the violence
my heart bangs out a beat
i am somewhere
take the crucifix to my lips
i am still new to this.

i am horny
sweat, dirt, detached
i lay on my back
and let the light irrate my eyes
a swift glance
and then another
i know.
you know.
can i commit to meeting you in person
my imagination runs all over the spectrum of possibilities
i feel
thats the end of it all

she covers the stars with marigolds
she tears a bit of me off
stranded, belonging to her whim
the sky it parts
the lightning carves out the night
i need to eat some more
this mood is coarse
she lied, though i wasnt sure
i pick up a dandolion
and make many wishes
i feel tortured
the kiss of pain
marks its territory
i wake and sleep
to an empty promise

i am a ghost.
i am, nothing to speak of
i steal a glance
i am niether welcome
nor alone
the crease in my heart
cinges my paper soul
i am defenseless
you come to me in dreams
dangle yr charms
across the sky

the sun,
shattered my soul.
yr judgemental stare
burned a hole
i dont know,
my youth;
rips me apart.
my heart
it doesnt open up.
this black hole
drains my inner spirit
this heavy
black star
stalks my karma
dig me out

incriminating.

i grind my teeth
its simple,
but im new to this
so, please...
as i muster up one more atempt to reach you..

sticky sweet,
it comes and goes
it is eternally undefined
i strike a match
drag the cigerette to my lips
to breathe in
the nicotine

you come and you go
the words secrete its vemon
and i am rendered
incapable...racked with anxiety

i trust in you tonight
i exhale a slow soul piercing sigh
and i hope that somehow
i make it through
utterly spent
over the excess that i once sought.

turn the page


i miss that warm hand in mine
the love somehow grew
inside my stomach
like a cancer
ive decided to forget
its easier on the next day
sometimes i remember

transfixed on the surface
as the infrastructure collapses
phantom limbs buckle from the pressure
i was young once too

its the simple things
that scrape the linnings of the heart
leaves a seamless crack
an autistic day dream

its dark these days
and its been pouring sleet
like a machine
easy child, you will find the time

street dog in heat
using no discretion
a colonial zone
strewn with sweaty tourists

and i thought you cared
it was a simple glare
i studied the fractures
of a heavy heart, destroyed

im coming home again
to sleep and wake
by the time you get back
ill be gone

im sorry
help me mend
im in pieces
the begining is the end
end is the begining. etc

riverside motel
passenger side
in a starry night
i slowly divulge the inner workings
of a "split mind."

alienation
the fertile mind mistaken
i burn in secret
decided ill never regret
through the morning i just slept
through the mourning i just wept

it calls to you in dreams
snares yr feet and dulls yr brain
eats at you, a throbing pain
i sit and think
disappear completely
expirement and fail
see the fall of an empire
like a mirror to yr neon soul

i like to disappear in the writing
i like to believe in magic
i revel in romance
i toy with the notion
of holding yr hand
i see through childish eyes
my soul it pours
out into the night
i dont believe in black + white
theres a grey sky
covered in jewels
theres more to discover
in the heart of a fool
i love to sleep
bc my dreams engulf me
i break away
into the madness
i want to remember
those perfect days
and i come home
from a far away land
cant seem to keep it together
im gettin older
time is only a second
it has no fear
time is a grain of sand
that disappears
im broken in secret places
i cant say
many people have seen me this way
would you stay
if i asked you
im still a teenager
im still a dreamer
i give you my love
hoping it will last forever
god is the director of this short film
it is always night
it is always day
i travel time
in a memory
i travel time
until infinity

it comes down to,
tryin to get high
every chance they get
and
tryin to listen
to the sound
of the future,right now;
you aint seen nothing yet.
tryin to find a self-identity
that fits those
anxious times
and
the wierdos and freaks
seem to know where its at
cus they are always around
that poor excuse
of a town
where once
independant stores
ran the economic machine
but now
its the disenchanted youth of the hour
printed on glossy magazines
tryin to hack
into the newest catch phrases
like a lucid dream
ive talked for hours
about nothing
its trying to get laid
in a secret place
its trying to get wasted
any which way you can
"i dont buy into this madness"

im a lie
i am deciet
i am the obituary
of a nobody

i die all alone
and
that river runs deep
i thought about the moments
and the promises i never keep
i was stoned once
and
i was deconstructed
I am a desolate grave stone
i have an ugly moan
its a chemical reaction
just something
to do with flesh + bones
i feel empty on the phone
im noone to speak of
just a glimmer
and an unmotivated hand gun
its sticky sweet
i make my way back
to the phase of life
that i want back
i been procrastinating
the future becomes the past
i fill my lungs
with despair
i have a heart
that doesnt care
i ache and i sigh
i hardly have a reason why
"cmon, it cant be that bad"
i just dont give a fuck.


i am a dreamer
that has lost control
its really not that bad
life is a piece of cake
wake me in the morning
give it another hour
"you always worry"

eat food etc
drink water/soy milk
i was a vegan fascist
then i turned 23
i was a monster
diggin a ditch of comfort
wishing.
take me for everythin i have
im going to be selfish,
this time around
the pages are covered in ink
and i swear off
the tabu
of things i dont really want to say
id go home
but id rather
spend the night
with you, a little while more
i was a molotov cocktail
i was a wierd teenage ghost
i thought about the patterns
in yr dreamy magic boasts
i went down the hill
face first
new scars are o.k.
sex, after sex
is way cooler
but now
i represent the streets
with extra flesh + love handles
and im sporting a hoodie
cus its what feels good
xoxoxo
someone catch that shooting star
before it dies
so prematurely, unless you believe in destiny.

from handguns to crack dens
doldrums to ransoms
crooked teeth and a fiery stare
no ones gonna kick the fever
sitting, sulking, deep breathes...
and a loose jawed mouth
spitting, questionable rumors
this vindictive son of a bitch
has taken on, more than his fair share
clockless moments
and more drunk than sober
points of critical thought
that is meaningless
i assume, that these
i wont do it again-
lookin for some smokes-
buy me a beer-
teenage city walkers
"um yea, like, i was, like...its sort of, like a scene."
it kind of reminds me of the ocean
hidden in the sky
a little like the star
that is buried in yr eyes

im going to bed
in an hour or so
leave some love
i think those kids are getting stoned
trying not to let it get to me
i sigh, and turn my head
poster boy
guilt's shadow looms
triggering facial ticks
and an unsettled child-like moan
tomorrow will never come
if you let it

its the disgusting welled up emotions
that trigger the fall
writing me death threats in cursive
id rather lie through my teeth
someones getting me hung up on
this new peaches song
and its quite a shame yr only 17
it could have been real
id say it again but its pointless
i tour the caffine circuit
lookin for a way
deja-vu
i just had to say
a wierdo and junkie friends
tear out the foamy cushion
of what could have been a good run
ack
smack
crack
and what remained
was a greasy haired doll
hovelled in the corner
of yesterday and the future
someone has to pay the bills